At the Core: From Cosmic Despair to Cosmic Hope

–By Lize B.

When on May 9th we watched as a church Let the Sea Resound – about how repentance, forgiveness, revival, and ecological renewal rippled across the islands of Fiji -, some kind of obstruction dislodged in my heart.

As I listened to Fijian tribe leaders tell how God was healing the interconnected broken relationships between their people, land, waters, animals, and Godself as villages and island communities, one by one, collectively dropped to their knees repenting and crying out the deepest groans of their hearts and land — well, I responsively became aware of aches inside me. I began to think about where I desired most to see God’s reconciling and healing power touch down on earth – within my family, around my hometown, and throughout the American South, especially where racism is most deeply entrenched.

Then later in solitude, I gave myself permission to feel the gravity of all that I’ve been keeping perpetually numb for years (out-of-touch, out-of-sight, out-of-mind, and yet persisting in chilled pain all the while). Letting myself thaw, I began to realize my heart was broken and despairing something even greater. At my core, I’ve been muffling an inward groan — for not just my family and the region where I was raised– but for the entire cosmos and how its seemingly trapped in ecological abuse, dehumanization on the basis of race and gender, interpersonal trauma, colonialism, hatred, greed, sexual abuse, spiritual manipulation and more. Though I worship our God the Creator of the Universe and Jesus the Savior of the World, I began to admit that in my depths I’ve not been believing that our God is really able and is actively doing just that. I had not brought my groanings before God and surrendered them, allowing the Holy Spirit to transform these wailings into cries for more. More of God. More hope. Dropping to my knees and then laying prostrate on the floor, I began repenting and asking our God, the Cosmic Reconciler and Healer, to help me trust and believe and change.

From there, I began to sense God inviting me to take an adventure with Him and begin enacting this newfound faith in His reconciling and healing power.

Early morning May 16, I embarked on a road trip down the US East coast and started praying unlike I ever had before, for deliverance. I journeyed to key slave trading posts along the coast and key places of familial history, and there I prayed, listened to God’s heart, anticipated God encounters, experienced God, and sometimes even learned about former miracles that had happened right there.

I took some videos along the way after different times of prayer and God encounters; for instance, this and this happened in Wilmington NC and this happened in my hometown of Marietta GA.

May our hearts keep breaking for the devastation that is but never should be. May all of our senses be continually sharpened so that we can truly bear witness to God’s reconciling power on the move. May we say yes to God’s daily invitation to join Him in healing, not just the earth, but the cosmos. May we believe with our whole beings that Jesus the Savior of the World, is who He says He is. May we not be afraid to desire and ask for more!

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